Out Your Head

Quote for the Day

“No one needs to take the blame, as the blame comes from the guilt and the shame”.

That last post broke the insecurity mold, and I’m now running freely in the field, skipping through the daisies. This blog, as mentioned, is about me and my quest to find out who I am in this world. With that in mind, I’m not delving into present-day relationships with siblings, relatives, or past partners. There’s no need to poke around looking for past drama or to blame anyone for my chaotic existence or for not telling me the truth about who I am.

From what I have recently discovered about my dark early days, most people close to me might not have known the deep, hidden secrets that were locked away so many years ago. This blog will focus on my relationship with my father and mother—the ancestors whose blood and DNA contributed to who I am.

I’m delving deep into my neurodiversity, exploring the traits and disorders that unknowingly influenced my relationships. Those odd behaviors I had, which I didn’t see but others did and judged me for, are now coming to light. I thought I was the “normal” one, always wanting to be right, but looking back, I realize that many things about me were wrong.

I’ve come up with a descriptive phrase for myself: “simply complicated.” In reflecting on my life, that phrase couldn’t be more apt.

Now, let’s squeeze the juice from the lemon: what set all of this in motion? From what I am uncovering, it all stems from the situation surrounding my arrival in this world—the chaos and mayhem that ensued from my conception. For a long time, I had to refer to my father as “Father No Name,” since his name is not on my birth certificate. He was present during those early years; I know that, even though I can’t remember him. The images of him and his voice are locked away in the trauma room.

However, I am going to reveal him. I’ve uncovered a lot of information that proves he is my father, and I’m moving forward with that evidence. Some people might take umbrage with my decision to disclose this information, but that’s tough, isn’t it? This is my story—my life—that has taken sixty-four years to piece together, so what needs to be said will be said.

“Umbrage”—a fancy word from a skinny, rough scouse kid who didn’t go to school much. And that’s something I’m discovering: I come from a background of highly educated people. There’s much more to come about epigenetics and how this has shaped my development.